My Deep Dive into Relationship Anarchy on the Polyamorous Evolutions Podcast
I recently had the pleasure of joining Roy Graff, Expansive Relationships Therapist and Coach, on his powerful podcast, Polyamorous Evolutions. Our conversation explored the nuanced, often misunderstood, and deeply transformative world of non-monogamy. It was a soul-stretching exchange that I’m excited to share with you here.
Roy is doing vital work illuminating the complexity of relationship diversity, and I was honored to contribute to his series of intimate, insightful interviews. Here’s a glimpse of what we explored:
🔄 Relationship Anarchy: A Framework for Radical Connection
We began with a foundational concept: Relationship Anarchy. It’s a philosophy that challenges the default rules of romantic hierarchy and allows us to design our relationships with conscious choice and mutual intention.
For me, relationship anarchy isn’t chaos—it’s clarity. It’s the freedom to say, What do you and I want to create together? Without the constraints of predefined roles, we get to build something honest and fluid. Whether it’s romance, friendship, sensuality, or some beautifully undefined connection—it’s all on the table.
🔄 Unlearning Monogamy: A Courageous Undoing
This was a particularly personal segment for me. After decades in monogamous relationships, shifting into non-monogamy required unlearning lifetimes of cultural programming. It’s not just about opening your relationship; it’s about opening your mind.
We talked about the real challenges of deconstructing jealousy, scarcity, and possessiveness—and how that can be liberating. It’s tender and triggering and exhilarating all at once. For those of us who come to this lifestyle later in life, the work is both deep and deeply rewarding.
🔄 Fluid Gender Dynamics in Non-Monogamy (aka Multigamy)
Roy and I dove into how gender dynamics evolve in multigamous spaces. We discussed how men and women often approach polyamory differently—emotionally, socially, and sexually.
In a world still steeped in patriarchal assumptions, non-monogamy can be a space of gender liberation. But it also comes with its own learning curves. I shared my experiences navigating desire, autonomy, and emotional labor across multiple relationships—and how communication remains the sacred thread that binds it all.
🔄 Cultural and Financial Realities of Non-Traditional Families
This was a segment where the rubber met the road. We discussed the logistical and cultural friction that polyamorous and non-traditional families often face—especially when raising children or navigating societal norms.
From legal limitations to financial planning, we broke down the real-world considerations of living outside the monogamous matrix. It’s not always easy—but it’s always worth examining. Our personal choices ripple out into community and culture, and that’s where change begins.
🔄 The 3 Pillars of Poly Pleasure Play
Roy and I aligned deeply on the three essential foundations of joyful, ethical non-monogamy:
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Empathy – Holding space for your partners and yourself, especially when it’s hard.
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Consent – Clear, enthusiastic, and continuous communication.
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Safe Sex Practices – Honoring your body and the bodies you engage with, in every form.
When we build on these three pillars, pleasure becomes more than sensation—it becomes connection, celebration, and liberation.
🔄 Intergenerational Polyamory: Elders and “Youngs” Together
One of my favorite moments was talking about community across generations. I truly believe that elders in the polyamorous community have a responsibility to share their wisdom, and younger folks have a beautiful willingness to innovate and question.
We need each other. Whether you’re newly exploring or decades in, this is a journey best traveled with support, storytelling, and shared growth.
🌈 Final Thoughts
This conversation with Roy was rich, real, and deeply validating. If you’re curious about creating relationships that are tailored to your truth—not tradition—I hope you’ll listen to the full episode.
Non-monogamy isn’t just about sex—it’s about sovereignty, communication, and crafting lives filled with love on your own terms.
You can listen to my episode on the Polyamorous Evolutions podcast wherever you get your podcasts, or visit Roy’s website for more. If you’re ready for a candid, no-holds-barred conversation about evolving beyond traditional monogamy, you must watch my episode on the Polyamorous Evolutions podcast. Catch the full video exclusively on YouTube.
